Sometimes, I look back at my 20’s and wonder where I could have been if I were a little less petty and arrogant. Then at the same time, another voice says, “but they started it!”
See, I am one of those people who thinks everything we are capable of feeling was designed by God for our benefit, even fear, pain, and regret. For instance, if you had no fear of lions (but were not well trained in managing them), you’d approach them, and they would devour you regardless.
Likewise, most people say “have no regrets.” I think no, you should have regrets, just don’t then “live in regret.” You must regret any bad judgment you made, so that you can self-evaluate and navigate ways to be better.
With that being said, I am saying this to drive the initial point on my arrogance and pettiness… which still does exist today. I have sometimes given myself an honest reflection on opportunities I lost because I couldn’t concede to another person’s ego. In some instances, maybe it’s a good thing, but as you grow up, sometimes you can’t help but evaluate what it could have been if you had “humbled” yourself.
Now, when I speak of opportunities lost, I do not always mean that they were offered by the exact people whom I was arrogant or petty to. In most cases, the opportunities slipped away because of people who had believed in me at that time and were watching.
So to put a purely fictitious example:
Let’s say ZTN is in the pipeline of giving me a special role because they have been reading my writing, watching my animations and my perspective, and they are so sure, “Let’s have this guy on board by next month.” However, within that month, some random unknown person steps on my toes on social media, and old me is ready for that war. I launch a trolling spree, and that person is virtually “cyber-bullied” by my supporters and friends (because you always were there for me)…
But guess what? The woman that was thinking of making me “chief communications chakadero” at ZTN (again fake example) is now scared. She goes back and says, “No, no, guys, I take that back. That guy is ungovernable… we cannot predict what he will tell our partners or the tone he will use even if we agree with him. So let’s put the 2nd runner up on.”
So in retrospect, even if these people that scratched you off continue to revere you for the talent and skill you do bring to the table, they will still have to side-line you on the basis of arrogance, pettiness, and unpredictability. Then as time goes on, less and less of such opportunities may be presented because there is a reputation of “how you can be.” It sort of hovers behind closed walls of corporations.
So even when you reform and say, “Okay guys, I am now mature,” probabilities are low of the ship sailing back your way. Even in high school, I was always on prefects lists in schools and struck off in the eleventh minute. Something or someone would just test me in the 11th hour, and I would blow a chance I had been enlisted within based on my hard work, intellect, and merit.
Again, we do not live in regret. However, we must always observe our life in hindsight to make a few tweaks.